I cannot, nay WILL NOT, tolerate any defaming of the song Gloria. My love for this song sprang forth suddenly. But I accepted it and I now realize that it is, in fact, my number one jam of all time. Here's what happened:
A couple of years ago, I found myself at Oil Can Harry's (a very swanky (not swanky) gay dance club in the San Fernando Valley). I was very busy dancing my pants off and desperately trying to keep up with a woman who identified herself as LA's premier waacking teacher. She even gave me her waacking business card. You can see a video of Jody Watley waacking it up here. If you ask me, this waacking stranger looked like she was experiencing a pretty serious medical event. Jody looks much cooler. Perhaps the waacker at Oil Can Harry's wasn't the expert she claimed to be.
Aaaaaaanyway. There I am, minding my groovy business when all of a sudden, that cyclone of an intro pierces the sweaty dance floor and I realize: I LOVE THIS SONG. It really lends itself to jumping up and down and spinning until you fall over. Which I did with reckless abandon. I danced like no one was watching! I worked that right out. I sang at the top of my lungs, which thankfully no one could hear. When it was over, I had to take a moment (and a jello shot) to calm down.
Come to find out, a friend was video taping the whole incident. I explained to her that if she showed it to anyone, our friendship would be immediately and permanently over. Luckily she likes me more than the thought of instant internet stardom (I' m not exaggerating--this video is the stuff that Maru and the like are made of.) She can't find the tape anymore (thank you, Baby Jesus), but please trust me when I tell you that it was truly bizarre.
I don't care if you disagree. I say Gloria will make all your dreams come true.
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